Fifteen - Nineteen

15
Thursday- I got tired of sitting around being sick! So in the middle of the afternoon I got my new workout DVD's out and did 3 different workouts. I sounded like Darth Vader breathing, because I was having a hard time breathing but it felt so good to move! Dad had his 3 month post angioplasty check-up and the doctor had good things to say. He also said that the first 3 months post putting in stints are the most crucial- glad we didn't know that we had to worry! Jimmy and Sarah came out Thursday night to celebrate mom's birthday and they brought a cookie cake. Jordan made sure that we played Wild Animalopoly and sardines. I always struggle with not wanting to play the games, but wanting to make the memories with the kids- so I usually cave. Trevor and I played a couple of rounds of Jenga too.

Sixteen
Friday- I spent my morning watching Blue Bloods. Grandma came over in the early afternoon and she made me read her will, which names me but then makes age restrictions that I don't meet. I found 2 mistakes in her will. I ran to Target on my way to dinner with Bethany and of course spent more money than I needed to! Dinner with Bethany was as wonderful as it usually is... lots of stories laughter and talking about the tough things in life. We didn't have our wonderful waiter, but we had a fairly decent substitute. After dinner I spent time talking with mom while I packed my stuff to go back to Champaign.

17
Saturday- First of all, multiple dogs woke me up in the middle of the night because they had to go out- apparently when I am home I am the designated person that the dogs decide to wake up in the middle of the night! Once I woke up for real I started packing my car and getting ready for my 4 hours drive back to school. I was very emotional- more emotional than I have been since I moved in August- but in August I had my parents and grandma and it was easier. The drive was full of Lee Brice music and getting lost in thought. Once I got back to Champaign I wholheartedly did not want to be here. So I reached out to my friends who are here and I did something to distract myself which made things a little better.

18
Sunday- My first full day back in Champaign. Payton woke me up at 7... I was annoyed because I had enjoyed my time on break sleeping in. So I took her out to pee and then came back in and crawled back into bed for 2 hours at which point I took her for a walk, then did some of my new exercise videos and showered. Then I made plans with Cassie and Julia to go to lunch and see a movie: American Sniper. I can't explain why I wanted to see American Sniper so much, but I did. I thought it was really well done. It showed the evils that he faced abroad and at home. I thought that they captured that not all of the people that he came across while abroad were bad, were terrorists. Some of them tried to help and were punished for that. It was really weird though  when the credits were rolling and no one was talking, nor was there any closing music.

19
Monday- I spent the day relaxing and getting ready for classes to start. It was my last day of freedom for 8 weeks! I went shopping out off Prospect- which is northern Champaign and has every store one might need! I have a Wal-Mart that is REALLY close to me and I have a Meijer that is maybe 5 miles from me, but Target, Lowe's, Rural King, and the Mall are all over off Prospect- sort of- the mall is actually off Neil, but its close to Prospect. Julia went with me and we had lunch at McAlisters! YUM! The rest of my evening was spent relaxing and soaking in as much TV as I could, since I am limited when school starts! ;)

10 through 14

I got distracted/sick and am behind on my "book"

Ten:
Saturday- I went to my nephews basketball game where they won 42-2. My nephews scored a combined 26 points (19 and 7)!  Then I had lunch with SE and we went to see Into The Woods. STRANGEST movie I have seen in a while. The song that the "Wolf" sang sounded like he was trying to seduce Little Red Riding Hood... it was just creepy. And then the song that Little Red Riding Hood sang sounded like she slept with the Wolf. But there were other odd things. It was good- just ODD! After the movie I came home to find one of my moms friends here with her dog that has been living with cutaneous sarcoma for almost 2 years (he was given 6 months to live at diagnosis) and he was doing poorly. So we euthanized him. It was a sad moment, but at the same time it brought peace to her- I think. I topped off the day by playing Cards Against Humanity with my parents, my grandma and my friend Angela. It may or may not be my newest addiction- my mom and grandma tied to win!

11
Sunday- I went to my brothers' men's league basketball game, where they got trounced. :( I love that they are still active and playing games together with friends. Their wives think they are too old to be playing basketball- I think their wives are totally and completely wrong! But thats just me. The game was the only notable thing that I did on Sunday.

Twelve
Monday- I started my day going to the eye doctor who assured me that my LASIK surgery is still successful and that I am actually seeing 20/15! How exciting?! He also told me  that women have more delicate tears than men- interesting.

Thirteen
Tuesday- One of the company reps for the clinic set up a lunch and learn for a computer system and she specifically made it for a day that I was home and on break. I came out of the little demo so excited about the computer system! Tuesday night I went to the UK basketball game with my dad. We talked about computer systems the whole way to Lexington and then we talked about various life things the whole way back. We stayed after the game because SportsCenter was airing live- and we wanted to be on SportsCenter! My brother caught a picture of us on SportsCenter!! It was exciting.

14
Wednesday- It was my mom's birthday and I was sick- I had been sick since Saturday BUT Wednesday was when I felt the absolute worst. I literally stayed on the recliner under my down comforter the entire day. Well.... except to cook dinner for mom. And Chris and the girls came over and they baked a cake and that was the birthday celebration!

Nine

An English number, but also sounds like the German word for none (nein).

And so on this ninth day of the new year- I did nothing of importance. I literally sat on the couch cocooned in my fuzzy down comforter watching tv and movies ALL DAY LONG. It was kind of wonderful.

In other words- I did none things. None, nein, nine- get it?!

(figure) 8

My mom's first boss, who is a graduate of my vet school, to my mom, my dad and myself out to lunch at Olive Garden. It was a wonderful swapping of stories, although I don't think that I needed to know my mom frequently complained to her boss about how horny she was! They swapped lots of farm call stories. He told lots of stories about history- which is apparently a passion of his. This is the man that gave my mother away when she married my dad and I didn't know this about him. He told the story about when she announced to him that she was pregnant. And they talked current cases. It was a wonderful, happy, lunch. And it was at Olive Garden!! 

Mom and I went to a downtown restaurant for a continuing education talk by the veterinary ophthalmologist who is also someone that I shadowed during most of 2013. It was so wonderful to get to see her- I probably should have made an effort to shadow her while I was home but I was just enjoying NOT DOING ANYTHING so much that I just didn't reach out to her. She welcomed me so warmly though and I learned things and when she was done she immediately talked to me. A room FULL of veterinarians and she talked to me. Talk about feeling special. 

The funniest part of my day, though, was as we were leaving the continuing education dinner, I check my phone to see a missed call from my sister-in-law. I call her back and she asked if everything was ok. I said yes, why?  She said "well Jimmy has a home basketball game, you are in town but you aren't at the game. I knew something was wrong with that picture." She was right- I normally would have been at that game. On the other hand I spent my evening in a room of people, who, in 4 years will be colleagues- WOW. Talk about scary, but also amazing. 

Figure eight- figuring out the balance of life, learning about the past which makes the present that much sweeter. 

7

This week is the meeting with old friends week.
I met with a family friend for lunch. She wants to help me get a scholarship and so we met to talk about that. We know her because one of the service dogs that we trained got placed as her service dog. While we were eating and talking a lady came up to us and told me that I have a beautiful smile. Its been a while since someone has complimented my smile - it used to happen all the time- so it was very special when  I received the compliment. Lots of warm fuzzy feelings.

For dinner I met with a Tractor Supply friend. We met at a restaurant in the town where we live, and our waitress was one of her old friends, so that put a little hamper on getting caught up on one another's lives but we did a bit and we talked about Jim. Talk to Jim too- made his night. But it also made me realize that while I like this person we don't have very much but people in common - and talking about the people in our lives can get old.

I like life better when I can talk about everything in my life- not just everyone.

Tuesday the 6th.

Today I went and spent time at the clinic again. I even put in an iv catheter in a basset!! Bassets are notorious for having roly poly veins that are hard to hit. But I did it- ON THE FIRST try even! Whoo hoo!
Then this evening one of our company representatives set up a webinar about new computer systems for the clinic specifically with me in mind. She said that she wanted me to know what the clinic was looking at before any decisions were made. This woman has won a fan for life!!

Day 6 biggest accomplishment: first successful cephalic vein catheter!

On the fifth day...

the first person I interacted with flirted with me. It was the cashier at Circle K where I had to get my dose of crack: Dr. Pepper Polar Pop!
Then, I did something kind of productive: I went into the clinic. It was the first time I had any first hand contact with veterinary medicine since December 19th- my finals.
There wasn't anything super exciting about the clinic visit, but it was kind of nice to hang out for a bit.
Once I got home, I decided that I needed to send in my tuition check and I went BACK out, sent the check and went grocery shopping. I walked around Kroger 3 times before I found garlic! But hey! now I know where the garlic lives! When I got home for the second time, I took molasses water out to the horses and pigs- 6 five gallon buckets full! Just a little muscle workout! Once that chore was done I started on dinner.
Since visiting Sarah on Saturday I have been inspired to make more food. To be healthier- I also ordered 3 (3!!) workout videos. One of them has 5 different 10 minute workouts- my goals for this year is to focus more on upper body strength (arms) and my abs. Because my legs are nearly perfect! I digress.... the dinner that I cooked was the same thing that Sarah made for me on Saturday and while it wasn't quite as good, it was still very good. Dad said it was just ok- but he doesn't like garlic (he's a secret vampire!). Tomato basil chicken is one that I shall be making for myself when I head back to school! Because, as I discovered today- its almost as good as leftovers as it is freshly cooked!

And now I take the time to come clean: I know I said that I would wait for Jim to text me before I go and text him, but I didn't I failed. I failed with good intentions though! So, Sarah had one of Jim's kids in class and she told me all about how smart those kids were. I couldn't consciously not tell him that teachers were impressed with his kids- I mean what parent doesn't like to be told how great their kids are? So I texted him to tell him what she said. We started a bit of a conversation. That was Saturday (day 3) then on Sunday I texted him because I went to a TSC store and the customer service was lacking- so I just had to tell him that. We had a bit of an interesting conversation which led him to tell me that he had big concerns (about our relationship- I think) because I always talk about having kids and he can't give me any. That led me to tell him that I don't HAVE to have biological kids (though its true, I would like one). Anyway, we ended that night's conversation by clearing up a misunderstanding AND I told him he should text me first every now and then, start a conversation.
Side note: its not the lack of biological children but his allergies which would limit the number of animals that I could have should we get together which really causes pause for me. (Does that sentence make sense? It seems weird to me- hopefully you get the point!) Again, I digress.... long story coming to a point here: on this fifth day of the New Year, Jim texted me to start a conversation! Whoa. Way to go, kid! Now, I hope that I am not giving him hope for a future relationship- I really do think that ship has sailed but I have absolutely no problem being his friend.

In other news, I am still feeling sassy and smart-assy. I love it. This outlook or way of life or whatever it is, it can stay! My blank book is off to an awesome start- IF I say so myself.

four

Baby shower.
On the fourth day of this new year I went to a baby shower for Amy- shes the daughter of our neighbors. Though I was never as close to her as I was her sisters, I think of her as a big sister in some ways.
She and her husband live in Alaska and they were down for a post Christmas visit with her family. New broke of the pregnancy just before they made the trip home, and I couldn't be more excited for her! Shes 38, has had kind of a rough time in the settling down/love department and is FINALLY getting a chance to start a family. She is a beacon of hope for me... you know, for when I am in my mid to late thirties without a significant other- I can think of Amy and have hope!
When we left the party she hugged me and told me some really inspiring things. I don't even remember what the words were that she said but her hug was infused with this warmth and comfort that I will remember for a long time to come. It was really quite special, more special than anyone else has made me feel in a long time- though not in a creepy way!

3

Today I visited a person I've been friends with for 20 years. I spent HOURS and hours with her, just hanging out. Sometimes we were quiet, sometimes we were chatty, sometimes we watched tv. Sometimes we interacted with her little boy. It was such a fantastic evening. She even cooked me dinner!!
I looked at this woman, who is has an 18 month son and is going through a divorce. I initially wanted to visit with her because I wanted to be there for her, but once I was with her it was clear that she didn't really need me. She is putting one step in front of the other and she is figuring out everything, and I couldn't be more proud of her; of the woman she has become.
I watched her with her son with a mix of jealousy and awe. She embodies motherhood so gracefully. Shes got patience, kindness, wisdom and love.
With this page in my book I reconnected with someone whom I love very much. Someone who inspires me and makes me smile.

Two

I spent my morning finishing Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, a book that has taken me almost a full week to read. I was expecting that it would take me one day. As I write this post I am watching the movie. I've been on a Harry Potter as of late.

I spent a couple of hours talking to old and new friends, making plans to have visits. One of the things that I am taking for granted less these days is the great gift that is friendship. One of my oldest friends is suddenly going through a divorce- wow, what happened? What can I do to be there for her? Maybe just be there. I haven't seen her in a year- but I will see her tomorrow. 

One friend is a rather new friend, but a dear friend nonetheless. We have Tractor Supply memories together and we've made plans for a dinner catch up next week. Although she brought up some interesting feelings while we talked. She knows Jim pretty well- Jim, being the last guy I almost dated. So as I was talking to her I relived some of the best moments and some of the worst moments with Jim, naturally. This conversation just the day after I got to talk to Kelly about Jim as well. I care for him deeply still, but he is the one who broke things off, saying that he didn't want to ruin our friendship. That's all fine and good but I am tired of being the one who makes the effort in the friendship and so I haven't talked to him this new year. Maybe if our friendship is actually important, he will talk to me. 

I got a Christmas care package ready for a friend from college, Kelsey. She sent me a few packages the past few months and now I am having fun putting one together for her.
I then talked with my college roomie about hanging out with her one day while I'm home. We have plans to maybe hit the bookstore of our alma mater since she lives in the same city as our school. I need some new Transy garb!

I spent my evening buying music to help get me through my long drives back and forth to Illinois in 2015- because sooner or later dad will be annoyed with me for always listening to Pandora on my long drives and using up all the cellular data! Also, Lee Brice is the man!

Page 1

Several times on New Year's Eve I saw a quote from Brad Paisley that said: "Tomorrow, is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one." 

So this blog will be my attempt to write a good book. Don't expect it to be fancy. I expect some days I will write hundreds of word while others I will struggle to write one sentence. Some days I may even forget altogether, but this will me my attempt. I will try. 

Day one. Page one. 

I started the New Year off watching my nieces. What fun people they are; I can't think of a better way to ring in the new year. Ok, that's a lie, I can think of a better way, but the better way wasn't an option in my current life situation, and thus given where I am in life, spending the night with my 2 nieces was the perfect way to start the new year. 

Odd as it might sound, I was comforted in not waking up alone in my bed on the morning of the first. Maybe this is a sign of what's to come; maybe 2015 will be the year for a significant other. Maybe not, but each time I find someone I get a little closer to a real relationship! And I am finding people more frequently these days! Hah!!

After breakfast of pancakes with the girls, as is our tradition every time they spend the night, we hung out as we waited for their dad, my brother. 

Once the girls were gone, I met Jacob and we went to Kelly's house where we about 5 hours playing Cards Against Humanity. So. Much. Fun. Also, Mix in a little Jameson (whiskey) Sour and Blueberry Vodka with Sierra Mist and you've got yourself a giggly Jessie. 

After everyone else left Kelly's house (I promise it wasn't just me, Jacob and Kelly- so many other people were there!) I hung around and chatted with Kelly. It was the best, most real chat we've had in some time. Sometimes its hard for me to articulate my feelings about so many things- but I was able to and that was an amazing feeling. 

When I got home, I got to talk with my mom for a bit. Let me just tell you how special mother/daughter talks are as you grow older. They are the best. We talked about friends who are having rough times and lamented to one another about how people don't seem to find the joy in life. Because there is joy in life. In the end, we said something that we always say, because its always been true "I am glad I am me, you are you and we are we."

Its true, I am glad I am me. I like my life. There is something good in every day. 

Page 1- Today was a good page.